So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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