If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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