I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
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