OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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