Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
