I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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