There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Randomize
