I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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