If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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