Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
