Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My dick has a subreddit
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
