It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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