please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
