I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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