I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
