Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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