Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
