sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
