just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
this is an emotional support booty call
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
