Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
