no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
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