She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
