you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
