We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
