im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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