I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
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and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
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I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i out mim tonsoeep
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