True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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