Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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