I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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