so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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