He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I cockslap morals
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
