so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Randomize
