Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
