I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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