boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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