I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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