I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
