ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She bit a glass in half.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
