Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
