I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Drake has all the answers
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
