I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
