That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
