just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
