Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
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yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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