You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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