Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I'm really busy with my period
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