ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
