On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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