I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
So apparently I’m into choking now
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
