I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i came on her dog
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
