i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
