dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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