I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
