The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
