I love black thongs
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
