just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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