My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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