My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
