whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
