Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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