so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
