and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
