chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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